01/06/05

01/06/05—Life As We Know it, ABC
Roseanne, Nickelodeon


Life As We Know It

“We” are the guys. Sensitive, smart enough, arty, athletic, hunky without being too pretty. There are three of us and we can literally freeze the action so we can comment on what’s going on, but only if it’s kind of, like, important.

Since this is teensploitation television, there have to be three babes who are sensitive, smart enough, arty, athletic, and better looking than us. Kelly Osbourne is with them to make the scene more interesting. Even if she is acting, no one can ignore that kooky back story. Of course, she’s the artiest of all, which makes up for the fact that she’s not conventionally attractive or skinny enough or funny enough for a leading role.

And since we’re guys guys, sex has to be everywhere. Not only are we doing it, but thinking about it, obsessing over it, and never getting a woody at an inopportune moment. We respect virgins; that’s cool, so long as you’re interesting or attractive in a conventional way.

Our parents are doing it. That’s gross. It’s not like we’ve caught them or anything. But the thought is...it’s enough to reverse the blood flow in our favorite member. If you know what I mean.

Life as they know it

It’s not like we’re the Gilmore Girls or anything. We are better-looking. But we’re not as ostentatiously brainy and definitely not hyperactive. We have more girly-fun. And clearly, we’re doing better with the hair and with the guys.

Life as the parents know it

It doesn’t get any easier as you get older. Still worries, still insecurities, still not sure about sex. Our kids say we don’t know anything and there are times we agree. They want us to be parents, not people

The show as the viewers know it

The creators gave it that old college try. The fantasy conceit (stopping action) is a good variation, but they need more. And having Peter Dinklage as the school shrink isn’t enough. The show is well meaning, which isn’t a bad thing, but it only has minor humor to leaven the drama, which is too focused on sex. And the characters themselves aren’t particularly interesting.

Did I mention the teacher who looks younger than her students and had sex with one of the three guys? Not much of a spark there. Don’t know if it was the acting or the writing, but the minor drama fell flat.


Roseanne

Roseanne is still funny in the later episodes, but the rest of the cast has less to do. And Roseanne gets less real looking each subesquent episode I’ve seen. The hair gets darker and her face gets more symmetric, but loses its charm. Still, when she said she got a “woody” just looking at a busty woman who was applying to be a busboy, it was a great guffaw and tied into the Life As We Know It episode earlier in the evening, as one guy was having trouble in that realm.